My Three Assholes, In The Eyes Of A Sabres Fan

The answer to this post is more Sabres fans, right? Hardy har har. Sometimes I think that this should be the case.

From my seven or eight years of watching the Sabres closely, I’ve become accustomed to some players in this league who I will probably never respect in a hockey playing sense and consider them to be everlasting assholes. My reasons span from what has happened in the past involving this player that makes me see them as an asshole, or it could just be because they look like an asshole to me. Whatever the case may be, I’m sure the ultimate reason is going to be stupid in some way or form.

Anyways, jump behind the cut in order to see what we’ve got here in terms of assholes:

By the way, these aren’t going to be in order. I just picked the top three that I could think of right now.

Asshole the First goes to…

Chris Neil

Only a proper asshole can perfect the technique of ‘shooting water through your gap’. Maybe Jordan Eberle can…nevermind.

As a Sabres fan, I will never forget what he did to Chris Drury that fateful night on February 22nd in 2007. I remember it as clear as day. Elbows out, Drury admiring his pass and BAM. Taken out by a cold hit by this guy right here. Let’s all remember Drew Stafford (a rookie at this time) going after him with arms flailing and defending his captain. Lindy Ruff and Bryan Murray were screaming at one another. It was awesome. Well, except for Drury bleeding red, white, and AMERICA all over the Sabres ice.

Chris Neil was and will forever still be an asshole to me because of this. I don’t even know how this jerk got an A on his chest. Probably the same reason that guys like Derek Roy got an A – because they are an ASSHOLE.

I’ll eventually stop repeating that word in this post but not until the end because that is what this post is about you nincompoops. Though speaking about this game will lead into who my second asshole of the night is.

Asshole the Second belongs to…

Patrick Kaleta

Yes, I think this was a dirty hit. Yes, Kaleta deserved his suspension. Go ahead and flame me for it.

Sabres fans will hate me for this and that’s okay because I hate most of you (just kidding kind of). I used to like Kaleta as a player until he started making stupid decisions and decided to almost kill people. I believe all of his suspensions have been for good reason. Take a look at the above example, which happened on Sunday night when the Sabres played the New York Rangers. A lot of fans have said that Richards dove into the boards as to make it look like he was severely injured, which is ridiculous. I don’t think a player would ever put themselves in that sort of position. Plus, Kaleta has a history of doing stupid crap like this. I was starting to give you some respect, Patty, when you explained your love of Legos and action figures. Now we’re right back to where we started, buddy. In the words of Tyra Banks “I believed in you. WE ALL BELIEVED IN YOU.”

I could go on about how much I dislike Kaleta as a Sabre and how we shouldn’t let homerism get in the way of how we feel about him but then I would be digressing. So onto the last one.

Asshole the Third belongs to…

Brad Marchand

It goes without saying here.

Not only did his team beat my second favorite team in the Stanley Cup Finals, and not only is he a Sabres killer in every single game we play against them, but he even has THE NOSE of an asshole. Wait, this should make Thomas Vanek an asshole too based off this perception, correct?

Well, maybe. He’s an asshole too but for different reasons.

I really have no reason for hating him except for him playing well against the Sabres. Also, he’s an INCREDIBLY ugly dude.

Just like my post about the Sabres Beards, this was purely all for a joke. Hopefully you weren’t too offended by any of this. I still regret nothing.


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